So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
