She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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