sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
