you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
