Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
