Already got asked if we're dating
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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