there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
