Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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