I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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