so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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