oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
