Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize