hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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