Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you never un-have a 4some
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
