oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
