I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
