i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
