He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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