My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
