She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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