I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He felt like a one man threesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
