remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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