Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
