you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
