I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
