you traded sex for a burrito?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
