you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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