Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
