I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
