In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
