you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
