I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
