I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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