you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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