How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
