in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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