my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
