just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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