kristin has been a bad kristin
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
