some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
