how can u be prego again
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
