I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My cat gives me a boner
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
