Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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