4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
