so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
