it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
