Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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