Say something about gay babies.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
