There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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