I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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