that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
