i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
