My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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