You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize