True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
