Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
