He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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