Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
