I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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