This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
