Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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