Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
