Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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