And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
