I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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