nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
