And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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