I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
