we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize