he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
