just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
