I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
