i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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