you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
