i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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