Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
