I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
