ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
