Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
