Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
