: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize