Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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