He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
