I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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