We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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